Relief

Hip, hip hurrah! I am finally feeling like my old self again. Most of the aches and pains are gone and thanks to my acupuncturist, my right shoulder is finally feeling better. I went to yoga earlier and actually stood in the front row because my spot in back by the door was taken. It felt great to flow without pain again.

I went and bought some more healthy food. My acupuncturist warned me that with the MS I am in danger of developing rheumatoid arthritis and recommended that I watch my dairy and gluten intake.

These foods may not be a problem for me but in many MSers there seems to be a genetic marker for high gluten intolerance. While I doubt that I have this allergy, I am trying to pay attention to my gluten intake. I bought a few gluten-free cereals to try. I also bought some Almonds for protein because I have been relying heavily on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches during the day. Next time I may try out the gluten-free bread but one thing at a time.

Right now I am just trying to experiment with how I feel when I eat or don't eat certain foods. I am afraid that I may run out of money before I can get the allergy tests but maybe I can talk my doctor at Kaiser into ordering some tests. They already tested my Vitamin D levels and I actually came back in the "normal" range. They also tested me for things like Lyme Disease and Syphillis. I am disease-free and my blood tests are fine. If only I didn't have any lesions on my brain...

Many of the books I have been reading suggest that there are spiritual and emotional reasons for a body to develop a disease. I am not certain if this is true but it somehow feels about right to me. While I do not know the root cause of my disease, I am trying to pay attention to the actions and thoughts I send out into the world.

I am learning to forgive. I am learning to have greater compassion. I am increasing my acceptance of myself and others as I continue to meditate on Ahimsa. This is probably the hardest part. When I was at my sickest it was the easier to move toward some new or undiscovered, "better" self. Now, without the suffering, the journey is more difficult and yet I do not want the self-exploration or the personal-growth to stop. I am realizing that a time has come where I must dig deeper and try harder to be the self I want to be. This doesn't mean beating myself up. It doesn't mean taking the advice of others without thought. I think it means doing things mindfully and paying attention to the results of my actions.