Freedom from

There have been moments in the last few days of extreme lows like nothing I have experienced in a long while, but there has also been some very joyful moments, and some moments of great clarity. I had one of the clarity moments earlier. I was teaching yoga and my focus for the class was on an aspect of ahimsa (a yama or "yogic principle"). The aspect I was focusing on is one interpretation I have heard where ahimsa means, "freedom from." Usually we talk about ahimsa in terms of non-harming or non-violence, in this case, the "freedom from: might be freedom from violence towards oneself or others in deed or action. If I have somehow misunderstood or misquoted, may the yoga experts forgive me. I try to relate what I teach to things that have meaning in my life at any given time. Anyway, I digress... So in class I was talking about "freedom from," suggesting that students insert their own word into this phrase to fit their needs, and I kept thinking, "freedom from fear." Fear often impinges on my world and mars my present, so I always want freedom from this fear. To make a long story short, when my students were in svasana (a final, sedate, supine pose) I was thinking about the idea of freedom from, and I realized it was not so much freedom from fear that I sought, it was freedom from expectation. So much of what brings me down is expectation. It is my perceived idea of what others expect. It is my expectation of myself (also often based on what I think others expect). It is my default expectation that things will not work out the way I want them to, or that I will somehow "fail." In short it is negative thinking based on expectations (many of which are also negative). I have a huge self-expectation that everything I do must be done well, that everything I create or do must be done with some kind of final, or grand outcome. Sometimes the joy of doing the things I enjoy (even blogging) gets lost in my expectations about the final product. Exhausting. The other day I drew a sketch just to practice. I didn't think I needed to create some final, near perfect thing. I loved the process. As I realized all these things about my own expectations, I also realized that is what I really want freedom from. It is such a cliche to say, "It is what it is" but truly, It is! I want, "Freedom from expectations."

Journal 6/20- Iyengar, Anahata, Ahimsa

Yesterday I went to my first Iyengar yoga class. I enjoyed it very much. It was a women's class. I felt nurtured and supported by the teacher and the other students. Despite early hesitations, I liked working on poses with other students and with the straps designed to help us get deeper into poses. I also liked working with the "horse" (a contraption like a ballet bar used to support a person during certain poses). Another great thing is that the classes loosened my sore right hamstring. It has been bothering me for weeks and has been extremely tight but during the partner portion of the class, it finally loosened up a bit. This was important because I went on to do about 3 more hours of yoga later in the day.

After the Iyengar class I came home and relaxed. I have now added "Yoga and the Path of the Urban Mystic" by Darren Main to my reading list. This is good because starting tonight, and through the weekend I am attending a workshop with him. I am excited because this is my first yoga workshop and I am really enjoying his book. I am a little anxious about how the MS and his style of yoga will react but I plan to just take it in stride and be positive. I am curious to experience Kundalini yoga with him on Sunday. After the weekend is over I'll be sure to write something about it.

At around 3:30, I headed out to begin my evening. I started by teaching my Yoga 4 Kids class. From there, I headed over to the "Anahata Project." In Sanskrit, Anahata is related to the heart and heart chakra. The Anahata Project is a Karma yoga organization. They put on events that involve Bhakti (chanting and devotional yoga) and a yoga flow class. Last night's event raised money for three organizations (Yoga for the People, Cambodian Children's Fund and an orphanage in India). To call the event transformative might be an understatement. Below, I attempt to create the feeling of the event.

We sat, 108 strong on the eve of the Summer Solstice. The room was lit only in candlelight. On the stage before us sat a lone musician, surrounded by guitars and a harpsichord.

A woman raised her voice in song and implored us with her heartfelt chant to follow her words and sounds. We, all 108, (maybe more or less but this matters at the time of the solstice)raised our voices to follow her in song. The room became warm. Electricity seemed to buzz in the air. When the singing stopped, there was complete silence.

Then, my yoga teacher brought us together in silence and mediation. When she brought us to our feet, we began our celebration of both the sun and the solstice. The teacher prophesied 9 sun salutations but when we reached that juncture, we were urged on by the chanting and guitar from the musician seated on the stage and we continued to flow together through the sun salutation. I lost track of time and space in that seemingly eternal flow. Eventually we changed flows but the transitions were seamless. In the end, we found ourselves seated and silent again.

We chanted again then, to the compelling rhythm of the harpsichord. The music filled the space with light. The air crackled again with electricity.

We came together in a large circle to intone the oldest song of man, the "OM." We were lead through a cascade of rolling "OMs" and the air seemed to thicken. It is possible that you had to be there to feel it but it seemed that love and joy permeated the air. The experience was unlike any other natural experience I have ever had. When I left, my heart was buoyant and "Ahimsa" was again at the forefront of my thoughts.

"The yogi believes that every creature has as much right to live as he has. He believes he was born to help others and he looks upon creation with eyes of love (B.K.S. Iyengar, "Light on Yoga")."

Ahimsa- Love and Peace

"Ahimsa" is a powerful Sanskrit word that one of my teachers has asked me to meditate on for a while. It is one of the "Yamas," a code for ethical living in Yoga. Ahimsa has several connotations and definitions. It means non-harming, non-violence or in my mind, peace. It means "freedom from." This could be freedom from self-judgement, freedom from judging others, freedom from unwanted obligation... Above all, it means love. In celebration of my meditations upon this word, today I offer two things. The first is a quote from B.K.S. Iyengar's "Light on Yoga," and the second is a song I learned at Waldorf school.

Iyengar writes, "Happy is the man who knows how to distinguish the real from the unreal, the eternal from the transient and the good from the pleasant by his dsicrimination and wisdom. Twice blessed is he who knows true love and can love all God's creatures. He who works selflessly for the welfare of others with love in his heart is thrice blessed..."

Now I give you a song of peace:
"Vine and Fig Tree Song"

Every man eat the vine and fig tree
Shall live in peace and unafraid.
Every man eat the vine and fig tree
Shall live in peace and unafraid.

And into plow shares turn their swords
Nations shall make war no more.
And into plow shares turn their swords
Nations shall make war no more.

*The songs then starts over. It can also be sung as a round. I offer these songs because I like to sing them myself at the top of my lungs for several reasons. They give me joy, hope and peace. I also like to imagine that they can somehow help others, like a giant, warm hug in the darkness. I hope you enjoy this song too and that you practice Ahimsa every day :)