Patience

Embrace the sunshine when the sun shines. I am still not ready to write something of or about Cara but I feel a pull to write, to just let words spill out on the page and see where they lead. Every year in my yoga classes right after new year's I talk about letting go of the old to make room for the new. Now I ask myself, "What layers must I shed? What do I seek in the year ahead?" I think until June that there is little I want to change in my external realities but much I seek to change internally. I have only one "resolution" but it is massive, not a resolution I expect to excel at or to perfect anytime soon... I continue to seek patience for all things. I know that there is not much I can change about necessities like going to work, but I can change my reactions. Busy almost automatically indicates stress to me. When I tackle a giant list of things to do, constant driving and responsibilities to others, my modus operandi is to speed up and create crisis out of next to nothing. Needless to say, not good for my physical or mental health. I often view all my responsibilities as burdens rather than celebrating the fact that after almost six years living with MS, I can still support myself and my little family. Sometimes I feel like I would rather sleep than go teach yoga or aerial when instead I might be better served enjoying the fact that I still can do these things. I cannot allow my passions to become my burdens. People are always surprised when I call my diagnoses one of the best things to ever happen to me but it is still true as long as I remember what it has taught me. Living with MS has taught me to treasure the moment and to celebrate every day I get up with my physical and mental abilities intact. Yeah, it has forced me to slow down and to sometimes do less, but that is a good thing, not a drawback. When I am inclined to push to hard, I remember it is better to rest and to save my strength for another day. If I can just remember this all the time, than I can allow myself to go more slowly, to do less, to stress less and to take optimal care of my mind, body and spirit.

Stress is Bad for MS

Stress is not just bad for MS, it is just bad for health in journal. Let me clarify a bit. I don't think that all stress is bad. Sometimes there is also good stress; the kind that comes with trying to juggle the things you love. Stress can also be a great motivator. Stress sure motivated me this morning when I saw my pay stub. I was motivated to reduce several payments, cancel some stuff, and ask my roommate to help out a bit more on the bills. Nevertheless, I can hardly call all that motivation good stress. Note to self, do not wake up and check your bank balance while still in bed. It immediately eliminates the restoration from a good night of sleep, and it also immediately elevates ones stress. I felt good when I woke up, but I single-handedly changed that by creating my own stress worrying about money. I'm on vacation from teaching school for two weeks and I promised myself to use this time to rest, recuperate and take care of the little stuff I never seem to have time and energy for. In the meantime, I have managed to clutter my head with financial worries. Bills, shmills. If I don't pay them, maybe the cats will (Lol). Seriously, who knew that health insurance was going to gobble up over an eight of my paycheck. Here I am, one of those spoiled rotten teachers always complaining about my enormous salary and free, excellent benefits. Not so much... After taxes, retirement and insurance, my check was only about $1,200.00. And some folks think teachers are over-paid... Sure, I cut back to half time, but I never expected this hard a hit. I became a part-time teacher so I could enjoy the happiness associated with being a bohemian. Health and happiness are so much more important than money, but now that I have none, I realize that money is rather helpful at times. Anyway, the day is only half over and I have lowered my bills by about $300.00 a month (not bad for a morning of phone calls). I bought a ton of groceries to top off my morning of running around with my head cut off, and now I am safely home and much relieved to have finished the "stressful" part of my day. My heart rate is back to normal, headache and nausea are gone, and all I had to do was reduce my stress. Amazing how that works.