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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Living Fiercely





I still vividly remember a time during the first year after I was diagnosed where life was colorless-- all just a bunch of "what ifs" and struggle to survive. I also remember talking one day with my then husband, and realizing that I no longer had any real dreams or desires. Everything I did was somehow based in fear. I worked so I could pay my bills. I rested so I could be well enough to work, and I fought tooth and nail just to keep what I had--continually wondering if it was even worth the cost to my physical and mental health. He asked me about my bucket list and I was painfully aware that I didn't even have one.

Fast forward three years from that moment... I find myself in an entirely different state of mind. I work to live, but i don't live to work. I still work hard but I am prioritizing my activities. It can be all work all the time so now I go to aerial dance and fantasize about joining the circus. I have stopped saying no to every invitation and every activity outside of my job. I am about to turn 35 and I have a bucket list that is alive and well. My new priority, having fun doing things I love.

Last night I crossed a new item off my bucket list when I performed my first aerial dance routine. When I came home and looked at the photos, I told my roommate, "I look fierce." I love feeling like a bad ass :) If MS has taught me nothing else, "Carpe Diem."

9 comments:

Kathy Young said...

YAY you!! I love that your living like a bad ass. MS isn't a death sentence - just a life sentence but one that can be lived well. Sounds like you got that figured out. Congratulations! I try to live out loud like that too. My catch phrase: FUMS!!

Richie said...

I am so impressed! Superb!

Robert Parker said...

Congratulations on the routine!

And good for you! If you'll forgive the turn of phrase, having M.S. doesn't affect the badness of your ass.

Actually... it makes it badder. It got you into the air, didn't it?

Again, congratulations!

Denver Refashionista said...

Kathy, I love it. Sounds like you are also a badass:)

Denver Refashionista said...

Robert, you are so right. I can barely drag it into the air but I did get it up there (LOL).

Miss Chris said...

So glad I found your blog. :)

fredrick m said...

superb, great effort to make it as reality.

Autumn Anderson said...

Your fierceness inspires me daily. I'm so glad and grateful that we met! I can't wait to run away to the circus with you. I love that the pics I took made it up here...I'll get better ones next time :)

Denver Refashionista said...

Awww... you almost made me cry.