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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

self-censorship and the art of blogging

I often wrestle with the question of how much I should censor my topics and observations on this blog. I never censor what I write on my other blogs but this one feeds to facebook and sometimes I am not sure how much of my life should be shared with all my fb "friends." Right now I am completing a divorce and this makes it tricky. I have this feeling that there are certain details of my divorce and my life now that it is not time to share. Sometimes this is hard because I have always been brutally honest on this blog but I think that showing some sensitivity in my content right now is the best course of action.

There are some things I can safely say here. Things are going well for me. I am sad that things did not turn out differently but I think they came out for the best ultimately. I know that I am still being judged by many former "friends" who never got my side of the story and who may or may not know the truth but that is ok. At the moment, my own peace of mind seems most important. I am finding that with greater peace and more time for myself, I am feeling better overall. My migraines are almost gone and those I do have, I know how to work with almost entirely without meds. I am still tired but now it is ok to go to bed when I want to.

Slowly, I am figuring out what I really want to do with my life. I am exploring new things and new ideas. I am feeling very creative. It has been fun to just go where my passions pull me and to not worry about results or perfection. I think this process is actually making me more creatively successful. I find myself dreaming of new goals. I have an enormous "bucket list" now. I also know I want to travel and explore new things.

MS does not dictate my plans. Marriage does not dictate my plans. My "job" does not dictate my plans. The only thing dictating my agenda now is my own need and desire and it feels great!

Today I am grateful for my renewed comfort in this skin.

13 comments:

Webster said...

Nadja, no one can (or should) judge what others do in their marriage. It is such a personal relationship that is rarely shared in its entirety with anyone on the outside. But we all carry with is our set of beliefs regarding how a marriage should be 'managed', if you will. I'm glad for you that you are managing your migraines, and hope you will manage your divorce just as well.

Herrad said...

Hi Nadja,
Good post thanks for sharing.
Big hug.
Love,
Herrad

Denver Refashionista said...

Well said Webster. I absolutely agree. I realize that I am really tired of everyone telling me how to live my life so sometimes I find I don't even want to share certain things. It seems that often when I want support, others tell me what I did 'wrong" rather than listening.

Herrad said...

Hi Nadja,
Please come by my blog and pick up your award.
Love,
Herrad

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks Herrad.

Have Myelin? said...

You will find a balance.

My marriage imploded and my life fell apart and I had my blog going too. For me it was a shock because what I thought to be was longer so.

Still- I went forth and told my story my way. You will too in your own way, the way that makes you most comfortable. =)

Take care.

Clare said...

Great post. No one has a right to judge as non of us are perfect.

Herrad said...

Hi Nadja,
I agree with Webster and Sherry I am sure you will manage without anyone telling you how to organise your life.
How dare they presume to know better than you.
Hope your weekend is good.
Love,
Herrad

Karen said...

Hi Nadja,
I've never commented on any of the MS related blogs I've read because I am wary of how people might see me.
I just wanted to say that this is a great post and you keep doing what feels right for you.
I understand if this comment is rejected.
All the best
Karen

Denver Refashionista said...

Karen, you are so sweet. don't be afraid to comment :)

Blinders Off said...

Hi Nadja,

Sorry to hear you are going through a divorce. I been there and I can honestly say with assurance that a NEW YOU will emerge. Also, I did not think it was possible to find a soul mate living with an illness, but I am going on 20 years and still counting.

I just wanted you to know you have the right perspective to a brighter future.

MS does not dictate my plans. Marriage does not dictate my plans. My "job" does not dictate my plans. The only thing dictating my agenda now is my own need and desire and it feels great!

Lisa Emrich said...

Nadja,
I'm just so glad that you are continuing to share no matter what other folks have said.

And, Karen, I hope to see you comment on any of the blogs you wish. It's good to see you around.

Hope everybody had a great week and wonderful holidays coming up.
Lisa

Karen said...

Thank you Nadja,