Wednesday, August 1, 2012
The good, the bad and the ugly
The Good: I am signed up for a week of classes at the circus festival, the class is great and day 3 starts in an hour. The Bad: I feel too awful to go and I missed yesterday too. The Ugly: My health insurance from my old job ended yesterday, and my old employer never even got me the stuff for COBRA so I am temporarily uninsured. I find the timing of all this suspect. Was this just a giant episode of self-sabotage? The Good: Things were going great, not just great, perfect. I felt great, I was getting really strong, all my dreams were coming true. I just seemed to be ending up in all the right places at the right times. The Bad: I forgot to take one of my twice-daily antidepressants. Then, I kept forgetting one a day on purpose. I did this for a while, and still felt fine because I was ingesting enough of the medication to keep my body from experiencing withdrawal, but not enough to be quitting cold turkey. That was until the Friday/Saturday fiasco. The Ugly: Friday night I went out for my friend's birthday. We had some drinks. Then we had some more. I wasn't wasted but I wasn't sober. I avoided puking, but maybe I didn't have enough hydrating liquids. I stayed up until 4am. I woke up after a few hours. I was only a little hung over but then I had to go to rehearsal. Spinning and upside down are not your friends after drinking. Skipping your antidepressant entirely, after a unsupervised medication taper, is also not a friendly experience. Apparently, getting off antidepressants is a bit painful. Me duele mucho. The Good: I am tough and used to taking care of business, even when I feel cruddy. The Bad: I can survive taking care of the things I must take care of, but now I am missing the stuff I actually wanted to do. The Ugly: MS makes you unsure what symptoms are worthy of concern. Right now I feel flared but I really think it is just med withdrawal. The wild card here is of course the MS. Am I MS sick or meds sick? The ugliest part: I can't even call my neurologist to ask.