Decision reached for now

As I sat worrying the other night about what to do with my Copaxone situation, it occured to me that if the choice had involved my anti-depressant, there would have been no choice. I would have just bought my med with credit and a prayer. It also occurred to me that my physical health is as important to me as my mental health. I would spend every cent in my arsenal in order to keep doing aerial dance. Once I had this realization, my choice was clear, start stripping (JK). Actually, I knew that I would contact the drug company to get help with my copay. I also decided that even if I could not get help to pay for my med, it is a more important expense than everything except food and rent. There really was no decision to be made: the choice was clear, if there is any chance that Copaxone is the reason I can do the things I do, I want to stay on the drug. I want to continue to fly!

Please advise

Fellow MSers, I really need some good advice right now from some people like myself who understand... I went to get my Copaxone today on my health plan from my new school district. When I went to the counter to pick it up the woman told me it would be $250.00. I thought I had heard her wrong but I had not. I decided not to buy my Copaxone today so I could go home to troubleshoot. I signed up for the same Kaiser plan I had in my old district where I only had to pay $10.00 copay each time. Apparently even the same plan is not the same in each district and does not cover the same stuff. I came home thinking maybe I signed up for the wrong plan but then I checked and I had signed up for the best one offered so even if I changed my Kaiser plan, my med will still cost me $250.00 a month. The problem is, at the moment I just don't have the money. So here is where I need help... Do I just toss the dice and quit the med? I have no way of even knowing if it helps me. It does not treat symptoms and it does not cure MS. I am feeling fine and I have not had a relapse in over a year (knock on wood). A huge part of me wants to take 6 months off and see what happens. Please send advise but please be kind and don't call me an idiot or anything (sometimes I notice folks can be militant about meds so please have compassion). Thanks so much, Denver Refashionista

Always trying to Balance

Today is one of those days where it may be that my ambitions exceed my actual energy. So far I have bathed, folded laundry, eaten breakfast and played on youtube and facebook. It is 12pm and I already feel ready to go back to bed, even after sleeping 13 hours. It was a demanding first week back to work. I am not used to the early mornings and long days. I have been ridiculously exhausted since Friday. I brought home work today but hardly touched it. Instead I subbed yesterday for contortion and aerial dance. I thought just teaching wouldn't really make me too tired but then I came home and slept 3 hours. 3 hours after that, I went back to bed and slept from 7:30pm until 8:40am this morning. I had plans to do acro yoga at 11am today but that was postponed until 1:00. Now I kind of wish I had not committed. I also committed to aerial at 5. In the meantime, my bed is whispering sweet nothings to me. I know to listen to my body and to avoid being stubborn but I really want one day a week to be not about work. I want my fun day to be full of acro and aerial. I hate the way that work always gets in the way of playtime LOL. I am going to play still but I am going to just take it easy and see how I feel. So much of disease management is about finding balance.

Update 8/18/13

Summer vacation has been great. Really great. Great to the point I find myself too busy doing other things I love to even bother blogging. Not that I don't love blogging... I do but there is always some chance to go do aerial or to play at acrobatics in the park, or to go out with friends and family. Tomorrow I officially start on my new job so I thought I would write a quick life update before I get caught up in tons of work stuff. This year I will be teaching ELD (English Language Development) (ESL) to elementary school kids in Denver K-5. I think I am going to like it but it will be a lot of work. In other news-- I am engaged to a Dominican man named Jose. His fiance Visa was just approved so soon he will be living with me in Denver. We plan to get married soon too. We are super-happy and excited. My health is good (knock on wood). I feel good both physically and emotionally and I thanks to aerial dance, I am getting stronger all the time. I can even do pull ups now ( a feat for an adult female). I am feeling toned, thin and buff. I am absolutely addicted to aerial. When work starts I hope to maintain a good balance of work and play. Here is a link to my latest aerial video.

Me and Jose

This really sums it up

Sometimes a picture better explains what I have been up to than anything I might write today.

30 second update

I no longer have Comcast mail so I updated my email on here. Please address all future emails to the new account on my profile. I will post a real life update soon. Denver Refashionista

Today vs. 6 weeks ago

I only have a moment to stop and reflect right now before I have to run out. It seems like I always have somewhere I need to hurry off too... Right now the thought is making me a bit irritable but the honest truth is that if I were to stay here now, my only desire at the moment is to go back to bed. I feel tired, not just tired, weary. That is something that has not really changed in the last six weeks. Things are shifting, not as much as I would like but they are shifting. It's still hard to drag myself out of bed but I am not paralyzed by anxiety the way I was. (This is where I left off 3 days ago to run off, I'm just now getting back to the blog). I have some time today to finish this post. Yesterday I was sore and fatigued in a way I have not been for a long time so when I woke up this morning, still exhausted, I decided to go back to sleep and take my last available sick day of the year. I slept deeply and well, and when I got up, I felt so much better. Gone is the rain of yesterday, and the sun is shining. I got right out of bed when I awoke again and even thought for a little that I was fully rested and no longer sore. That turned out to be a bit untrue. I do feel better then yesterday. My hips don't ache so badly and I don't feel like a ninety year old woman anymore, but I am still tired. The good news is that since I took the morning off, I still have about four hours until I need to leave home to go teach yoga. So now, after my power sleep, I think it is time for another nap. While my mental state is much improved these days, I have still gone back to my pre-diagnoses guilt about things like taking the day off, sleeping in, or just laying around the house. I am no longer so anxious, but there is still this annoying little voice in my head that is always questioning if I am forgetting something or if there is something I should be taking care of. The most annoying thing is that although that voice is quieter, it never fully shuts up and so I feel half-guilty about taking a break. Normally, I would still be at my day job so this time would be occupied but I am still here questioning myself about whether there is something I should be taking care of. This thinking is crazy for anyone, but is especially crazy for an exhausted woman with an auto-immune disease. Life is entirely too short to go through it feeling bad about my choices. It is also too short to be packed full of must-dos rather than things I want to do, therefore, I will now try to go take a guilt-free nap before I need to go teach two yoga classes. Now vs. 6 weeks ago? A lot better but I am still crazy:)