Just a few moments to indulge in a guilty pleasure: blogging, before I get back to working. I have been working like a dog. The job is haunting my every waking hour and even some of my sleeping ones. This afternoon I took time out for a nap and had dreams that I was still checking on kids progress in my classroom. Ugh!
I got to the yoga studio and graded stack after stack of disheartening papers. Despite my best efforts, all my 10th graders completely flunked the test. Of course, passing did require actually reading the book... It was another hard day on the front lines and their work did not cheer me up. I kept asking, "Is it me?" Just when I was really down, I had a nice, unexpected surprise.
One of my yoga students walked in and said to me, "Don't doubt that every day you make a difference."
"I sure don't feel like it," I said.
She told me, "You should listen to your own words of wisdom. I was repeating what you said in class the other day on my way here. You said, 'You can either stress, or transistion with grace."
I guess I did say that. "I guess sometimes people are listening," I told her, "But I'm still a crappy classroom teacher."
"Hey, you also told me to "Doubt my doubts," she reminded me.
I did do that, didn't I? I'm glad to know that at least someone is listening when I teach:) My student is right. I really should take my own advice.
There are two things that really do help me. Since it seems at least someone listens, I will share. First, when I feel reluctance to face the next thing before me I remind myself. "You are ok right now and that is all that matters. Take things as they come, and you will be fine." The second thing I do is remind myself, "You can always try again tomorrow." That really helps too because then I can feel ok about whatever I think went poorly today. So as I near the end of another long day, I think, "I will try again tomorrow." All we can ever do is our best. I think I can live with that.
Today I am grateful to be fine right here and now, and to have the gift of tomorrow to try again.