I cannot report that everything is suddenly peachy, but I'm feeling a little better at the moment than I have in a while. There are only two more days until vacation and my formal observation at work is over. I think it went ok but either way, I'm just relieved to have put it behind me.
I realized that part of why I have been feeling down a lot lately, is because I feel inadequate at my job. I also realize that I think about it constantly and try to think of ways to do things better. It may be time for me to ease off on myself a little. I wouldn't give my job all this thought if I didn't care about doing a good job for the kids.
I often find myself musing about a kid and wondering how I can help them be more successful. I may not always manage to make everything better, but I sure do try hard. I think I need to give myself a bit more credit. Sometimes I feel bad taking any breaks from work, but I think I actually do a better job when I find some balance, and it is not my every waking thought. I know I will work a lot during vacation, but I also hope to take a much-needed physical and mental break.
April and May promise to be very busy, but after break, there is only about seven weeks until the school year ends. I plan to spend my summer recharging a bit. I am going to teach some yoga for kids and hopefully get back to some creative pursuits like painting, writing poetry and refashioning. I am still hoping for some big life changes but if they don't come quickly, hopefully these breaks will give me the juice to approach things with new energy.
Today I am grateful for this moment of relaxation and contentment.
Caregiver Perspective: Screaming on the Inside
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