The good, the bad and the ugly

The Good: I am signed up for a week of classes at the circus festival, the class is great and day 3 starts in an hour. The Bad: I feel too awful to go and I missed yesterday too. The Ugly: My health insurance from my old job ended yesterday, and my old employer never even got me the stuff for COBRA so I am temporarily uninsured. I find the timing of all this suspect. Was this just a giant episode of self-sabotage? The Good: Things were going great, not just great, perfect. I felt great, I was getting really strong, all my dreams were coming true. I just seemed to be ending up in all the right places at the right times. The Bad: I forgot to take one of my twice-daily antidepressants. Then, I kept forgetting one a day on purpose. I did this for a while, and still felt fine because I was ingesting enough of the medication to keep my body from experiencing withdrawal, but not enough to be quitting cold turkey. That was until the Friday/Saturday fiasco. The Ugly: Friday night I went out for my friend's birthday. We had some drinks. Then we had some more. I wasn't wasted but I wasn't sober. I avoided puking, but maybe I didn't have enough hydrating liquids. I stayed up until 4am. I woke up after a few hours. I was only a little hung over but then I had to go to rehearsal. Spinning and upside down are not your friends after drinking. Skipping your antidepressant entirely, after a unsupervised medication taper, is also not a friendly experience. Apparently, getting off antidepressants is a bit painful. Me duele mucho. The Good: I am tough and used to taking care of business, even when I feel cruddy. The Bad: I can survive taking care of the things I must take care of, but now I am missing the stuff I actually wanted to do. The Ugly: MS makes you unsure what symptoms are worthy of concern. Right now I feel flared but I really think it is just med withdrawal. The wild card here is of course the MS. Am I MS sick or meds sick? The ugliest part: I can't even call my neurologist to ask.

Day off

I find myself with a day off. I intended to do so much but it was over 90 degrees at 11:00 am. Still, I tried to push myself just a little and ran face first into that brick wall which is sometimes MS. I did not curse it, nor did I push on, I came home and napped. Now I am eating popsicle and wishing that swamp coolers worked a bit better in this heat. I had big goals for a blog post, but sometimes the best laid plans should be set aside in favor of health and sanity. I am currently reading Potty Mouth by Renae Clare in preparation to write a review. I won't be a spoiler but I already recommend the book. Renae gets "it" not just as a woman with MS, but as a human being. I leave you with a quote. "There is no drug that is as powerful as the inner spirit, the real self, the self that comes from cutting off the ego whenever it rears its ugly head..."

Dream come true

The last month has been the best month of my life. Things are coming together and many of my biggest dreams are coming true. I intend to write much more but here is a quick synopsis. I got a new job in a better school district. It is half time and I still can get healthcare. I also finally am getting my own business "Firebird Moving Arts LLC" going. I had a fabulous vacation and fell in love with both the Dominican Republic and a beautiful man. Things keep unfolding in ways that make them feel like destiny. I have this deep sense that I am exactly where I am meant to be, doing exactly what I am meant to at this moment. It feels amazing. More to follow soon...

Gone Fishing

Well, actually, I don't fish, but I have managed to slip away from home and my busy schedule for a week of vacation. I am currently in Punta Cana (Dominican Republic), enjoying a fabulous week at an all-inclusive resort. While this was a large financial commitment, it is so worth it. My friend and I just got here yesterday, but we managed to pack in the action last night after our arrival by seeing a little show, singing karaoke, dancing, and best of all, playing on the beach and in the rain at 2:00 am. Today included a rigorous course of Pina Colada drinking, laying around the pool and a short yoga class. Tonight we danced a little more, saw another show, and now we just ordered room service. It's a rough life...

How I fight MS

I scoff at you MS. I work out 3 hours and then I sleep for 14.

Summer Preview

Tomorrow signals the last official work day of the 2011-2012 school year for me. Students finished on Friday, and my work is done, so I just need to go in to check out-- then begins my official summer. I am dedicating this year to me, "The Summer of Nadja." This summer I will figure out what I want to do when I grow up:) Seriously, I am dreaming of leaving my current, large, career responsibility behind and striking out on a new path. As you might imagine, my biggest concern is how to find and keep some decent health insurance if I change careers or just embrace life as a bohemian (any reader insights or suggestions on this one would be most appreciate). Anyway, enough about that boring grown up stuff, this blog entry is dedicated to previewing my exciting summer plans. Also, check out the link from my latest aerial performance. The excitement begins in June with my performance in a "Social Circus" fundraiser. This is followed by a trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for a week of kid-free, resort play on the beach. Then I return to a gig teaching circus camp and playing in aerial land. In July, I am going acro yoga nuts. I have a hand standing workshop, acro classes and an acro for aerialists workshop to attend. All the acro excitement culminates in late August with an acro yoga "solar immersion" for acro "ninjas." I can't wait!

Free time

I am currently experiencing one of those unheard of states of being called free time. It is so rare that I do not have anywhere I need to run off to. I had a job interview this afternoon, and then I grocery shopped but I was home by 4:30. This literally almost never happens. I feel almost guilty sitting here in my pjs with nothing I have to do.

When I got home I had to ignore the voice in my head that was whispering that I should go work out or at least do some sit ups. I am still reassuring myself that it is ok that my butt is creating a large crease in the sofa instead of building strength for my next aerial show. The show is still three weeks away, but I know that I need to spend a lot of time building the strength to do two new routines.

This entire week feels almost like another spring break. I found coverage for all my mid-week yoga teaching, and I am taking Friday off to play with friends. I also have Sunday off for the first time in a few weeks. It's a good thing because my day off Friday is the first day with no work that I have had since the beginning of April. I am using my freedom to read novels, make some new trash art, and to finally blog again. Yeah me!