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Monday, May 4, 2009

Socially Awkward

I have long suspected my own social awkwardness. It's not glaring. In fact, it's a much subtler something but it's there. I am a Saggitarius and like most of my kind, I have a tendencey to be too blunt for most tastes. I actually prefer directness from other people but it is not the social norm in this country to be entirely direct. I have learned this, so I don't generally give an opinion or a criticism unless I am asked for one. When I am asked, I try to be honest but I still offer my honesty with a gentle touch.

In other areas, I suspect I am still quite awkward by most standards. I state this merely as an observation, not as a criticism of my own way of operating. One might ask why I even put forth these observations at all. Here it is in a nutshell.

Today I received an email from the head of my "academy" at work soliciting information about what each member of our staff has done this year that they are proud of. She also encouraged us to be positive and honest in our responses. I thought it was a nice request so I hit "reply all" and then patted myself on the back for all the things I have done since my diagnosis. I listed about four accomplishments and then hit send. After I sent my email, it occured to me that some people on the thread might not be interested in what I had to say or would see my list as braggery. Too late, it's out in cyberland. I noticed that the other reponses to the whole staff only listed one accomplishment and that the accomplishment each respondent chose to list had to do with work itself. Nothing I listed had anything to do with work.

Having made these observations, I am not troubled at all. It has been my recent objective to seperate who I am from what I do. I am thrilled that my own list had nothing to do with work. I typed the first things that came to mind and I feel very good about my list. I imagine that the less socially awkward may read my list and laugh at me. Let them laugh:) I feel free. Today I am grateful that this year's list of accomplishments really represents me and not my job.


Diane J Standiford said...

Clap Clap The truth has set you free.

Denver Refashionista said...

I do feel free :)

Jen said...

Hey Nadja---

I'm very different from you in terms of feelings and disposition (the older I get, the more practical and concrete I become), but I enjoy your ponderings into your emotional psyche.

Thank goodness for differences and variety.