Insights

Yesterday I was writing about how I hesitate to put some things onto my blog because of who might view them and how they might be viewed. Today I am throwing caution to the wind and wrtiting about what is on my mind.

My mother gifted me a Vedic astrology reading and yesterday I got to talk over the reading with the woman who did it. My best friend's mother also created a "Human Design" reading for me and today we talked over that. Many people might claim that info gained from both these readings is a bunch of crap designed to suck people in. I sit somewhere in the middle on the whole thing. I am open to possibilities but because of my untraditional spiritual upbringing, I am a bit conflicted in accepting data generated from such sources. My husband would say that we have the tendency to latch onto things from something like an astrological reading until everything seems to make sense or become true for us. He has a valid point. Television Psychics do this all the time and people help them do it without even realizing that every little thing they do is offering fodder to the reader. All of this said, some of what was told to me in both readings did resonate for me. Both readings were done by people who barely know me, and there were many commonalities in the things that were said to me although they come from different systems. It would take a lot to explain each system here so I will just indulge myself and focus on what things had meaning for me.

One of the commonalities between the readings related to my emotions. Both readers told me that I am often uncertain about how I feel from one moment to the next. My Human Design reading suggested that I am easily influenced by others and that I am quick to act as others would wish me to even if I am not clear about something myself. I find this to be very true. I often beat myself up for being slow in my reactions but my Human Design suggests that I need to take my time. This is hard for me because I also want to please others and to make them like me. I find this to be very true. It is only recently that I have begun to listen to myself more and to trust my own instincts. When I go against my instincts or do not allow myself time to properly process, I put my health in jeopardy. I am also finding this to be true. The minute I agree to something I still feel conflicted about, my health seems to take a blow. I can literally feel my stress at the back of my neck. I get hot and cold flashes behind my hair. This has only happened since my diagnosis with MS but now it serves as a great barometer regarding my stress around situations.

Another thing I learned from my Human Design was also very helpful. Apparently, I have a very defined "heart center" which is unusual. This can often alienate people and leave me wondering what I did. I immediately sense this alienation and put forth a lot of effort trying to get others to like or approve of me. No matter what my own belief about the matter, this seems important. I have spent way too much of my life and energy trying to please others up to this point and I can see the consequences in my health. The reader suggested that I need to focus on myself although it goes against my desire to please others. This is both good and difficult to hear. I feel selfish being selfish but my gut is telling me that this is the only way to stay healthy. It doesn't mean the world has to revolve around me but it does mean waiting before I say yes to things I feel conflicted about. If an instant decision is required and I feel conflicted, I should probably say no instead of saying yes to please someone else. If I feel conflicted and have time to think about the matter, I should take the time to really think and then make a decision. I recently did this with a big decision regarding work and in the end, I realized I should skip an opportunity because it just wasn't right for me. Now I know I made a really good choice.

I think there are a few key things I got out of this whole foray into "transcendental reality." I must take time to know my own thoughts and emotions for certain. I must take time for myself and be willing to say "no." I don't always need to worry about the approval of others, hence going ahead with this potentially controversial post. There was nothing new that I was told about myself that I didn't already know. Both readings lent clarity to what I was already thinking and feeling. Although I am still uncertain about how much I am willing to believe or say that I believe, I am glad to have had these experiences. I am left with a great deal of food for thought and I don't need anyone else to tell me that I love something interesting to ponder.

Today I am grateful to both the readers who took the time to investigate my charts and to interpret them for me.