Journal 6/22/09

I thought I would just take a minute to put down a few random things about my life lately. I think I am mostly writing for myself these days because my blog counter is hardly moving so I might as well indulge myself by writing whatever I want with no concern for audience. To be honest, I am usually my own audience anyway. Lately, I have been accused of being a bit self-absorbed so I guess this post proves that I do lean that way (LOL).

First, a few thoughts on the yoga front. On Friday I went to another workshop with Darren Main, a yogi I had the pleasure to take a great workshop from last summer. This time I only took one class instead of the workshop. This workshop was focused on strength and flexibility, neither of which I am much concerned with these days, but I like Darren so I went anyway. I still love Darren but I did not get much enjoyment from this workshop. The theme was "pushing your edge." In the past, this would have had a major appeal to me but now it does not fit my approach to yoga. I found myself skipping many of the strength excercises just to save an energy reserve that would get me through two hours of yoga. We did get very warm and so the flexibility work felt good to me. I did not find it hard because I am already unusually flexible but I also knew that as I did the work in the heat, I would pay the next day. Pay I did. It was only this morning, after a mellow yoga class that I felt like my body was back to normal. On Saturday, right after the workshop, I was super-tired and sore. Just going to the mall with my husband wore me out.

Despite the challenges of the workshop, I am glad I went. It helped clarify for me what I want out of my asana (physical) yoga practice. The class I went to today was only half the length of the workshop, much mellower and unheated. I found it was perfect for my needs. I have decided I will only go to really challenging classes when I have lots of energy and no soreness in my body. MS has taught me to pick and choose my activities carefully. It has also made me examine what I want from my yoga practice. I think I am moving toward balance in both realms.

I recently seem to have found just about the perfect balance between activities that require a lot of energy and those that are a bit easier. It seems that I can do about three things that require a lot of energy on any one given day. These are best balanced by quiet, mellow things around the house. Basically, a day might involve, going to yoga, doing some yard work and running some errands (those would be my big things). Then I can still do little things at home like reading, blogging, refashioning or painting. All of this changes when I need to work. When I work, that is my main thing and if I take some rest time most days, I can cook dinner or teach yoga at night but not on the same day. It seems like if I follow this pattern and save some time for rest or quiet activity at home, I feel pretty decent. Just getting this figured out is a big help.

The other day on Joan's blog she mentioned the spoon theory. I thought that this theory did a great job of explaining what a day in the life of a person with a chronic illness is like. I think it ties into what I was just explaining about my day but it also made me realize that I am one of the lucky ones because while my spoons, are limited, they are not as limited as many people's.

There are a few work things on my mind right now too so I wanted to write them down just to purge my system until August. I didn't get the job I interviewed for last week. I guess it was not in the cards for me now. I am ready to move forward and into my new high school but I go with some anxiety. This anxiety I plan to push aside until August and then I plan to make the best of whatever arises. Mostly, I am anxious about finding my supplies in our new building. I am also nervous about teaching an additional class and moving around to different classroom on a cart instead of having my own room. The last thing that concerns me is the change in my district's ELL programs. During the spring, I planned extensively for the upcoming school year but I am concerned that in August, district mandates may come down that make my work unusable so I may have to start all my planning from scratch without sufficient time or resources. Since all this is out of my control, I have decide that once I write this, I am not going to worry about it until the beginning of August. Work doesn't resume until August 10th so that should give me about 10 days to panic and run around before I really need to worry. If all goes smoothly, (my fingers are crossed) I will never need to scramble and I can just sit back and let others stress while I remain a calm ocean:)

Today I am grateful that I have five more weeks to just relax. Man, it's a rough life...