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Monday, June 15, 2009

A whole bunch of random

Usually I love to write on my blog but at the moment, I am a little dissatisfied. I never hesitate to write things that are purely about me but when they involve others, I start to think twice. My blog feeds to facebook and half my family is on there. Many others read my blog. Sometimes my friends know the people or the situations that I want to write about too intimately. Lately, I find myself keeping a private journal with all the stuff I feel like I can't mention here. Some people might say, "Why keep a blog at all?" I guess I stick with the blog because it keeps me writing regularly and that feels important to me. Most of the time, it gives me a creative outlet and an avenue for processing my thoughts but at times like these, I dare not write about everything that is on my mind.

So far my vacation has been good but not amazing. I think it is about to start getting better. I have been longing to spend loads of time by myself but until today, I have not had the chance. First, my mom visited which was great but I was not alone at all. Then, my husband was furloughed for a week and so we had like four days with us both at home pretty much non-stop and we spent most of that time together. That was also nice at times but my soul has been longing for solitude. At last, today I have the house to myself.

I haven't been feeling well since I started my vacation either. I am not exactly sure what is going on. It could be that I have not had enough time to rest. When my mom was here, I forced myself out of bed in the morning before I was ready to get up and even when I napped, I did not do so until I was satiated. When my husband got home, I stayed up too late a few times and got up before my body felt ready. I also packed in a lot of activities during the week. These factors still don't seem to fully explain my symptoms though.

Lately, I have felt exhausted most of the time. When I do get going, I run out of steam really quickly. I know that by now, most MSers are suspecting the heat but the thing is, it's not even hot here. In fact, it has been cool and rainy for months. This might explain some of my other issues. My body aches. I have been having patches of numbness and on Wednesday, my arms went numb from the elbow down for about half and hour. That has never happened before and I was terrified until it passed. Many of my symptoms seem to mimic those I have during my menstrual period. Even the lymph node under my right arm is swollen and sore but that usually only happens when I have female issues. Honestly, I feel like an old woman. I normally don't take painkillers except for female stuff and lately I have taken ibuprofin every day to combat the aches in my body.

If this wasn't enough, I have been waking up with blurry vision and I have had several bad headaches this last week. There are also frequent bouts of nausea. Now I imagine many of my readers will ask, "Have you contacted a doctor?" No, I am hoping that a few days of rest and diminished activity will clear things up. Last night I had a good, long sleep and today I have kept things very mellow. I also took a nap on my own terms. I do feel better than yesterday but not nearly as good as I was feeling in the weeks leading up to this slew of physical discomforts.

I am not much for complaining so maybe now that I have bitched a little, I can let this go. I am seeing the holistic practitioner I have been working with this Thursday so I am hoping she can balance me and shed some light on my current health issues. I am determined that no matter what, I will have a great summer.

I did go on a job interview last week for another instructional coaching job in my school district. I think the interview went well and that I have the right credentials so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Today I am grateful to enjoy time for solo contemplation...


Jen said...

The weather here has been weird. Nice but weird. Very cool and intermittant rain. By now it should be about 80-85 and humidity settling in. I'm not complaining because I would love to live in Maine or other northern climes in the summer months, just for a little relief from time to time. Just WEIRD.

Good luck with the job! :) And don't become a writing curmudgeon like me (I have the creative juice of a prickly cactus...)

Lisa Emrich said...

I started posting my blog to Facebook and honestly I'm starting to doubt that it's a wise choice. There are people on Facebook who have no clue or interest in health issues. In a way I'm just throwing it out there.

Have you considered withdrawing your blog posts from Facebook and not have them post automatically? It's not a bad choice. That way only those who make the effort will read what you write.

Just listening to your schedule with others in the house was tiring. Pushing, sleeping less, not napping. Hard stuff.

Give yourself some time and enjoy your solitude!!!

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks ladies. Sage words to live by.

Lisa, you may have a point. I may take the blog off facebook. We'll see.

Living Day to Day with Multiple Sclerosis said...

I agree with Lisa. If you take it off Facebook then you are free to write again as you please. Good luck with you job interview. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Serina said...

Mine also posts to facebook, I have been thinking about removing it from updating there for the exact reasons you mentioned. In the past my blog has been a place where I've been relatively free to say what I feel, and has been kind of a source of therapy in a way, and I find my self starting posts, then never finishing them, or never posting them because I'm afraid of how certain "friends and family" will react, or over analyze and take it personally.

Serina said...

Oh, and look me up on facebook :)

Denver Refashionista said...

I'm a technology idiot. It may take a while for me to "unpost" from facebook. Of course anyone who wants to read my blog can do so anyway. I suspect I should just be myself without apology and people will think what they will :)