Usually I love to write on my blog but at the moment, I am a little dissatisfied. I never hesitate to write things that are purely about me but when they involve others, I start to think twice. My blog feeds to facebook and half my family is on there. Many others read my blog. Sometimes my friends know the people or the situations that I want to write about too intimately. Lately, I find myself keeping a private journal with all the stuff I feel like I can't mention here. Some people might say, "Why keep a blog at all?" I guess I stick with the blog because it keeps me writing regularly and that feels important to me. Most of the time, it gives me a creative outlet and an avenue for processing my thoughts but at times like these, I dare not write about everything that is on my mind.
So far my vacation has been good but not amazing. I think it is about to start getting better. I have been longing to spend loads of time by myself but until today, I have not had the chance. First, my mom visited which was great but I was not alone at all. Then, my husband was furloughed for a week and so we had like four days with us both at home pretty much non-stop and we spent most of that time together. That was also nice at times but my soul has been longing for solitude. At last, today I have the house to myself.
I haven't been feeling well since I started my vacation either. I am not exactly sure what is going on. It could be that I have not had enough time to rest. When my mom was here, I forced myself out of bed in the morning before I was ready to get up and even when I napped, I did not do so until I was satiated. When my husband got home, I stayed up too late a few times and got up before my body felt ready. I also packed in a lot of activities during the week. These factors still don't seem to fully explain my symptoms though.
Lately, I have felt exhausted most of the time. When I do get going, I run out of steam really quickly. I know that by now, most MSers are suspecting the heat but the thing is, it's not even hot here. In fact, it has been cool and rainy for months. This might explain some of my other issues. My body aches. I have been having patches of numbness and on Wednesday, my arms went numb from the elbow down for about half and hour. That has never happened before and I was terrified until it passed. Many of my symptoms seem to mimic those I have during my menstrual period. Even the lymph node under my right arm is swollen and sore but that usually only happens when I have female issues. Honestly, I feel like an old woman. I normally don't take painkillers except for female stuff and lately I have taken ibuprofin every day to combat the aches in my body.
If this wasn't enough, I have been waking up with blurry vision and I have had several bad headaches this last week. There are also frequent bouts of nausea. Now I imagine many of my readers will ask, "Have you contacted a doctor?" No, I am hoping that a few days of rest and diminished activity will clear things up. Last night I had a good, long sleep and today I have kept things very mellow. I also took a nap on my own terms. I do feel better than yesterday but not nearly as good as I was feeling in the weeks leading up to this slew of physical discomforts.
I am not much for complaining so maybe now that I have bitched a little, I can let this go. I am seeing the holistic practitioner I have been working with this Thursday so I am hoping she can balance me and shed some light on my current health issues. I am determined that no matter what, I will have a great summer.
I did go on a job interview last week for another instructional coaching job in my school district. I think the interview went well and that I have the right credentials so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Today I am grateful to enjoy time for solo contemplation...