Daydream

I am imagining this jacket I want to refashion. At the moment, it is unadorned but I'm imagining it as something more Rock n' Roll. There will be patches on the back and the front breast pocket. I will design and embroider them myself. I also imagine a strip of embroidery running down the length of the right, front side of the coat.

I am also imagining the watercolor paintings I will make. I will finish the one I started, a larger-than-life sprig of lilac, abstract and gargantuan. A co-worker just sent me some close-up photos he has taken of flowers. I will print these and turn them into watercolors.

I have been watching "So You Think You Can Dance" and I have begun to imagine myself dancing. No one is watching but in my head, I have launched into a series of lyrical dance poses. My movements are long and graceful but each transition is new and unexpected. It is my daydream so I can get into every pose I imagine. Wish me luck (LOL)...

I can hardly believe I made it. Here it is, the last day of work until August and I have exceeded my own expectations. I still vividly remember the beginning of the year. Every day I woke up anxious and sick. I usually vomited at least once a week before work and I was shaky and nauseous every day. When I climbed out of bed, all I could think of was how badly I wanted to crawl back in next to my husband. Every day I was afraid I might not make it through the day. By November, things were so bad that I wondered whether I would even be able to continue in the teaching profession. Days with the kids were hell and I questioned whether I had ever been a good teacher. I almost wanted to be fired...

Now the year is over and my confidence is back. The last term of the year was pretty much a cake walk. I felt less tired, more creative and best of all, competent at my job again. I no longer fear next year. I feel certain that I will be both physically and mentally capable of doing what I need to. Now all that is left to do is to continue dreaming and creating.