frontpage stats
Samsung DVD Burner

Friday, June 5, 2009

Daydream

I am imagining this jacket I want to refashion. At the moment, it is unadorned but I'm imagining it as something more Rock n' Roll. There will be patches on the back and the front breast pocket. I will design and embroider them myself. I also imagine a strip of embroidery running down the length of the right, front side of the coat.

I am also imagining the watercolor paintings I will make. I will finish the one I started, a larger-than-life sprig of lilac, abstract and gargantuan. A co-worker just sent me some close-up photos he has taken of flowers. I will print these and turn them into watercolors.

I have been watching "So You Think You Can Dance" and I have begun to imagine myself dancing. No one is watching but in my head, I have launched into a series of lyrical dance poses. My movements are long and graceful but each transition is new and unexpected. It is my daydream so I can get into every pose I imagine. Wish me luck (LOL)...

I can hardly believe I made it. Here it is, the last day of work until August and I have exceeded my own expectations. I still vividly remember the beginning of the year. Every day I woke up anxious and sick. I usually vomited at least once a week before work and I was shaky and nauseous every day. When I climbed out of bed, all I could think of was how badly I wanted to crawl back in next to my husband. Every day I was afraid I might not make it through the day. By November, things were so bad that I wondered whether I would even be able to continue in the teaching profession. Days with the kids were hell and I questioned whether I had ever been a good teacher. I almost wanted to be fired...

Now the year is over and my confidence is back. The last term of the year was pretty much a cake walk. I felt less tired, more creative and best of all, competent at my job again. I no longer fear next year. I feel certain that I will be both physically and mentally capable of doing what I need to. Now all that is left to do is to continue dreaming and creating.

5 comments:

heidi said...

I'm looking forward to reading through your blog - I've only hit the first post so far. I was diagnosed with MS about five years ago but would love to back to school to get my B.Ed. There are definitely days when I question whether I could handle being a teacher or not (though I have lots of experience teaching ESL and music to both children and adults, MS just changes all of that). I'm looking forward to reading through the rest of your blog. Hopefully it will be an inspiration for me to actually get my own blog off the ground ^_^

Heather said...

I too picture myself dancing on Dancing with the Stars. I love to dance.

Congrats on making it to the end of the year!

Robert Parker said...

As a 9th grade teacher with MS, I can tell you that the kids are my best therapy. Now, I'll admit, I'm at a private school where the kids are specifically selected for the magical combination "smart AND nice," so I'm in about as good a situation as anyone could be in. But having taught at many levels (up through community college, even a little university work), as long as you have willing participants, you'll be fine.

Denver Refashionista said...

Good luck with the B.Ed. and the blogging Heidi. I hope you enjoy your reading here.

Denver Refashionista said...

Robert and Heather, thanks for the encouragement.