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Friday, July 17, 2009


Over the last few months I have been keeping the overall tone of this blog pretty positive but I guess everyone has to unload sometimes...

The last few days I have been finding an urge to write angsty poetry. It seems there are things on my mind. The biggest thing has been poor sleep. I keep having nightmares and restless sleep. Last night, my nightmare woke me up but I couldn't even remember it. I felt really sick too. I was sore, nauseaous and dizzy but the worst part was that I felt parched. Even my skin felt hot and dry. I drank a ton of water but I couldn't get the sand paper feeling out of my mouth. When I got up today, it was still there.

When I helped to set up therapeutic yoga, I was roasting hot. During class, I had to get up three times to drink glasses of cold water. After class, I went out to lunch with the group at a Thai restaurant. I finally found relief in the air conditioning. I drank a Thai iced tea and ate a cool salad and I started to feel a bit better. Right now, I am sitting in my cool living room drinking ice water. I'm tired but I feel so much better.

I guess no matter how well a person adjusts to having MS, there are still bad days. I have had a few lately. It is still a struggle not knowing from one day to the next how I will feel. The headaches and nausea seem to come frequently. I suspect the heat that has made me irritable and sleepless at times. Yesterday I found myself in tears about the MS for the first time in a long time. First, I cried in the afternoon after trying to puke before I had to go teach yoga. I couldn't even get the relief of vomiting because nothing came up but I felt hot and horrible. I was so frustrated and when I first got to the studio, I still felt warm and dizzy. Then, last night when I woke up feeling awful, I cried again. I almost never cry from the physical discomfort anymore, I get upset about needing to go on with my plans when I feel lousy. I also get upset when I can't do what I want to do.

Last night, I got upset worrying about what I would do if I got really sick while my husband and my dog are camping. I can't call him, not that it even matters. I have family in abundance nearby. What I did remember is that I usually keep my phone and my insurance card downstairs when I sleep. I realized that if I woke up ill and couldn't handle the stairs, I would have serious problems. This is actually very far-fetched. Even at my sickest, I have handled the stairs on my bottom. I realize there is no real problem here but the idea freaked me out when I was feeling sick. The good thing is, I rarely entertain this sort of "what if" anymore. Today I know I will be fine but I will go to bed with the phone by me for reassurance.

On a more positive note, I am coming around a bit on the facebook thing. Lately I have been able to find a whole bunch of relatives I never even knew about. One of my relatives even has a genealogy page where I was able to learn more about the family history. As I find relatives, I have been making new "friends" and many of them have been adding new pieces to the family puzzle. I have been keeping some notes as I try to sort it all out. I love research projects :)

I am looking forward to a few more weeks off before I have to really start work. Next week my husband and I are going to visit his family in California. We are going to the beach and I am very excited. I think it will be cooler there and that may help me feel better.

Today I am grateful for the life I have and the people who make it richer.


Webster said...

Hi Nadja, Do you think these symptoms are worsened by heat? (that was a dumb question as most MS symptoms are made worse by heat - duh!) Anyway, have you looked into getting a cooling vest?

It's the stylish accessory for summer!! And in this "age of terror" it can double as a flak jacket. What it does is lower your core temperature for several hours, and that can really help with your symptoms.

Just an idea. Take care.

Mike said...

The cooling vest might not be a bad idea. At the very least you would have something to decorate and make all cutesy looking (Yes, I do look at the other blog).

I hope you get to feeling better, both physically and emotionally, very soon. Best wishes!


Denver Refashionista said...

Webster, thanks for the tips about the cooling vest. Another friend sent me an email today telling me a bit about them too. Luckily, it's cooler today...

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks Mike. It might be fun to refashion a cooling vest (LOL). I'm really tired but I'm feeling much cooler today. Thank goodness.


Just a strange thought (tis the nurse in me), but are you SURE you are not running a fever? Sometimes simple viral infections attack and make us think it's MS...when the virus really just makes the MS symptoms flare versus an attack.

Just got caught up reading your blog and note you are also experiencing vertigo/dizziness there a connection here? I woke up this morning with that, too!