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Monday, September 22, 2008

Fog lifting?

I think the fog that has been pulling me down is beginning to lift a little. I don't feel quite so overwhelmed anymore. Maybe this is just Klonopin-speak but I don't feel so undone. I have suspected that perhaps I was having a relapse due to the physical discomfort and uncharacteristic angst but I just wasn't sure because it has been different than last time.

Last time I was violently ill and the world was crooked. I saw double and my balance was shakey. This time around I have had motion sickness, strange nerve pulses on my skull, neck and arms and this terrible sense that I am too weak to handle that which lies before me.

I slept well last night with the help of a little Klonopin. I awoke feeling less anxious than I have in a while. I took my anti-depressant and only a quarter of my Klonopin and went to work. I felt only slightly panicked instead of the full-fledged anxiety of late. It was hard but I got going after a bit. I had a short scare in my yoga class when a student threw out her knee but I did not freak out. In the end it was ok.

When I returned from teaching yoga I had two urgent messages from my doctor. He had spoken to the neurologist and they had agreed that a round of steroids were in order again. This time I only need to take them for a week and I only have to start with 60 mg. of prednisone instead of 500. I am rather relieved to learn that I am not going nuts and I am optomistic about feeling like myself again soon. I do not know what this means for my long-term treatment or prognosis but I guess my MS is not benign after all. Surprisingly this comes as a relief. Now I don't have to wonder if the other shoe will ever drop. I guess it will sometimes and I cannot control it so I just need to make the best of today.

10 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

You sound better...good!

Less anxiety is good. Sleeping is good.
Doctors communicating is good.
A prednisone taper is good (well, not bad anyways).

You will continue to feel better...very good!!

miz astrid said...

So happy to hear! Are you getting another MRI next month? <3

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks for the encouragement Lisa. It's a long road but I think I'll make it ;)

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks Astrid. I am not sure about the MRI yet. They did blood work and took a urine sample yesterday so we'll see what the next course is.

Physically I am moving quickly back towards normal. Mentally, I sitll have a way to go but I think I found a counselor. Yeah!

Weeble Girl said...

Awesome on the meds and the doctor. Hope the prednisone helps out a bit. I am waiting on Tysabri and praying for my miracle.

Hugs,
W

Serina said...

I'm glad to hear that you are starting to feel better!

Shauna said...

Improvement! Yay!

S.

Lanette said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better! I also struggle with anxiety and here's to hoping that our anxious days are behind us. I just finished another steroid round and noticed they make my anxiety increase...so be mindful of that.

Denver Refashionista said...

Steroids increase anxiety but klonopin offsets that. I am on a very low dose for only a week too so it's giving me energy. I get to go to therapy tomorrow. Yeah!

Blindbeard said...

I hate to admit it, but I was glad when the "other shoe dropped" too. I wanted to know what I was dealing with, not wait and see what my MS would do and whether or not it would be mild or aggressive. I hate not knowing, and I hate anxiety probably more than any MS symptom yet. Such a horrible feeling -- like doom is emminent! I love my Xanax, never tried Klonopin, not sure how they compare, but I know the relief from panic and how good it feels to have it recede!