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Monday, September 22, 2008

Fog lifting?

I think the fog that has been pulling me down is beginning to lift a little. I don't feel quite so overwhelmed anymore. Maybe this is just Klonopin-speak but I don't feel so undone. I have suspected that perhaps I was having a relapse due to the physical discomfort and uncharacteristic angst but I just wasn't sure because it has been different than last time.

Last time I was violently ill and the world was crooked. I saw double and my balance was shakey. This time around I have had motion sickness, strange nerve pulses on my skull, neck and arms and this terrible sense that I am too weak to handle that which lies before me.

I slept well last night with the help of a little Klonopin. I awoke feeling less anxious than I have in a while. I took my anti-depressant and only a quarter of my Klonopin and went to work. I felt only slightly panicked instead of the full-fledged anxiety of late. It was hard but I got going after a bit. I had a short scare in my yoga class when a student threw out her knee but I did not freak out. In the end it was ok.

When I returned from teaching yoga I had two urgent messages from my doctor. He had spoken to the neurologist and they had agreed that a round of steroids were in order again. This time I only need to take them for a week and I only have to start with 60 mg. of prednisone instead of 500. I am rather relieved to learn that I am not going nuts and I am optomistic about feeling like myself again soon. I do not know what this means for my long-term treatment or prognosis but I guess my MS is not benign after all. Surprisingly this comes as a relief. Now I don't have to wonder if the other shoe will ever drop. I guess it will sometimes and I cannot control it so I just need to make the best of today.



You sound better...good!

Less anxiety is good. Sleeping is good.
Doctors communicating is good.
A prednisone taper is good (well, not bad anyways).

You will continue to feel better...very good!!

miz astrid said...

So happy to hear! Are you getting another MRI next month? <3

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks for the encouragement Lisa. It's a long road but I think I'll make it ;)

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks Astrid. I am not sure about the MRI yet. They did blood work and took a urine sample yesterday so we'll see what the next course is.

Physically I am moving quickly back towards normal. Mentally, I sitll have a way to go but I think I found a counselor. Yeah!

Weeble Girl said...

Awesome on the meds and the doctor. Hope the prednisone helps out a bit. I am waiting on Tysabri and praying for my miracle.


Serina said...

I'm glad to hear that you are starting to feel better!

Shauna said...

Improvement! Yay!


Lanette said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better! I also struggle with anxiety and here's to hoping that our anxious days are behind us. I just finished another steroid round and noticed they make my anxiety be mindful of that.

Denver Refashionista said...

Steroids increase anxiety but klonopin offsets that. I am on a very low dose for only a week too so it's giving me energy. I get to go to therapy tomorrow. Yeah!

Blindbeard said...

I hate to admit it, but I was glad when the "other shoe dropped" too. I wanted to know what I was dealing with, not wait and see what my MS would do and whether or not it would be mild or aggressive. I hate not knowing, and I hate anxiety probably more than any MS symptom yet. Such a horrible feeling -- like doom is emminent! I love my Xanax, never tried Klonopin, not sure how they compare, but I know the relief from panic and how good it feels to have it recede!