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Saturday, September 27, 2008

A long road

I was hoping to post something uplifting, inspiring and insightful... Alas, it's just not there. It takes a while for depression to lift. I am told the meds themselves take about 6 weeks to kick in so I have about 5 to go. Right now I just have to try to live one day at a time and not let myself sink into the shadows.

Little things seem to help some. Breathing is still very important. Yoga also seems to help whether I am teaching or doing. It is also helpful to keep a little busy. I want to sleep and forget but that is not the only way.

I like my new therapist. She's seems goal/solution oriented and I think she will help me find tools to manage my life better so that it feels less anxious and out of control.

Friends and family help too, as does blogging. Last night I chatted with Joan from "A Short in the Cord" and some other awesome ladies in the Delaware chat room. That was helpful. It gave me a sense of community and it made me realize that even when work is hard, it can be a positive place to filter my energy. I was reminded that I am lucky to have the capacity to still work full time and to contribute to my home and family.

Beyond these things, I find that I have little to say. My brother and sister both reminded me that this period of hardship shall pass. My sister also said that when you're not depressed, you don't have to think of or remember a reason to keep living life. I think she's right. Before I felt so anxious and sad there were many things that gave me pleasure. Getting going every day was not such a trial, it just sort of happened without much thought or mental anguish. I looked forward to things and enjoyed many things as well. I think I can get back there, it's just not going to happen quickly. In the short term, I am trying to find ways not to wallow and ways to be less hard on myself.

9 comments:

Heather said...

I find that working out helps me handle my stress and anger. I'm doing a kick boxing class twice a week and I wish it were everyday. I just feel so great when I'm doing it and when it's over. I'm glad you found a counselor you like-that is important. I would love to start counseling but it's had with a baby.

Jen said...

Hi Nadja---

I'm so glad we got to chat together in Joan's chat room. It's nice to talk in real time. The ladies there were really sweet and also funny. Joan rules!

Listen--- I know you're gonna be okay. It just takes time. Look at all of these great people who blog and come to your aid in the rough times. This alone will help tremendously. So many folks have been exactly where you are now. And so many, thankfully, have lived to tell about it.

Trust this process and know that you will be better (emotionally and physically) than you are right now. And bask in all the love around here and with your own loved ones.

I'm done being sappy now. I'm afraid I have PMS..

Jen

Joan said...

Nadja, it was so nice to chat with you last night! I'm glad that you and Jen and so many others were able to visit. It was a fun night for me, especially since I've been so exhausted and isolated. It was nice to talk to people, so I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it as well. Hope to "see" you in two weeks for the next chat.

LISA EMRICH said...

Well, I missed the chat but I'm glad that you ladies had a grand time. Nadja, it's good to hear that you're on the path...

My take on depression and recovery - been there, done that, and will likely do it all over again.

(and that was my attempt to make you crack a smile. Did it work?)

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
:)

Diane J Standiford said...

It is hard to find a good therapist, goals/tools---GOOD.

~BriGuy~ said...

Nadja,

I wish you the best with the new therapist.

-Brian

Abby said...

It's so hard to find a therapist you are comfortable with, I'm so happy for you that you found one so quickly!

Keep plugging along, the meds will help, I'm sure. You may even start noticing the changes before the 6 weeks.
Take care,
Abby

pUNKrOCKfairy said...

Glad your on the upswing. Keep on truckin'!

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks everybody.