I have been deeply touched by all the kind and loving words left on my blog over the last few days. The cloud is beginning to lift a little. I slept through the night and found no fear. When I was at my sickest in April, I used the prayers and love of people I both knew and barely knew to draw me back toward health and light. Now I find myself doing so again.
Yesterday and today I talked to a friend at work who told me she too was in dark times. She said she was crying too, for many of same reasons I am. She may not have MS, but she understood my pain and confusion.
I talked to the school couselors and they told me that many people at work are confronting similar challenges. One of them told me, "You are one of the best teachers in this building, don't be so hard on yourself." That really lit a fire under me and I had a great day yesterday nurturing the kids. I thought to myself, "I didn't get a 'strong at the broken places award' just to wallow."
I buoyed myself with all your supports. I wrapped myself in my best friend's virtual hug and I found some strength again.
Yesterday on One Life the author noted that part of meditating and mindfulness is allowing ourselves to feel what we feel and not trying to terminate it. He commented that in depression there can be a well of creativity. What a wise man. My sadness is inspiring me to dig deeper inside myself to find answers to life's challenges. He inspired me to embrace my feelings rather than feel guilt about them. In fact, many of you have inspired me to do this.
Today is a day to look beyond ourselves and remember. I was listening to the radio at 6:45 am when they commemorated the time the first plane hit the world Trade Center on 9/11. The dj played a song in honor of the vicitims and their families. The song he played was "It's times like these" by the Foo Fighters. He said the song represented for him healing and climbing from the ashes. Today it spoke to me. The chorus said,
"It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again"
In these words I found reason and inspiration that I now take with me into a day that's much bigger than me or my issues.