Not licked yet

Sometimes I just want to lay down and never get back up. I just want to succumb to the darkness obliterating my light, my reason but I am not ready to stop struggling. I am not ready to just give up. I might if I had never felt like this before... But I have known darker times, tougher days and still gone on to know happiness. I wrote the other day about a break in the clouds. I have more of those these days now than I ever have had before in times of anxiety and depression. I am watching myself, trying to decide how many days of anxiety and depression, days where I feel powerless and unmotivated that I can take before I just give in and email my doctor for an antidepressant. So I count the days, good versus bad, and I cling onto the little things that give me hope, the little things that bring relief and sometimes even happiness. Today I am winning the battle. I won it Thursday, fought a skirmish yesterday, and survived, and now I look forward to a good day today and tomorrow. I am not licked yet...