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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Relief

Hip, hip hurrah! I am finally feeling like my old self again. Most of the aches and pains are gone and thanks to my acupuncturist, my right shoulder is finally feeling better. I went to yoga earlier and actually stood in the front row because my spot in back by the door was taken. It felt great to flow without pain again.

I went and bought some more healthy food. My acupuncturist warned me that with the MS I am in danger of developing rheumatoid arthritis and recommended that I watch my dairy and gluten intake.

These foods may not be a problem for me but in many MSers there seems to be a genetic marker for high gluten intolerance. While I doubt that I have this allergy, I am trying to pay attention to my gluten intake. I bought a few gluten-free cereals to try. I also bought some Almonds for protein because I have been relying heavily on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches during the day. Next time I may try out the gluten-free bread but one thing at a time.

Right now I am just trying to experiment with how I feel when I eat or don't eat certain foods. I am afraid that I may run out of money before I can get the allergy tests but maybe I can talk my doctor at Kaiser into ordering some tests. They already tested my Vitamin D levels and I actually came back in the "normal" range. They also tested me for things like Lyme Disease and Syphillis. I am disease-free and my blood tests are fine. If only I didn't have any lesions on my brain...

Many of the books I have been reading suggest that there are spiritual and emotional reasons for a body to develop a disease. I am not certain if this is true but it somehow feels about right to me. While I do not know the root cause of my disease, I am trying to pay attention to the actions and thoughts I send out into the world.

I am learning to forgive. I am learning to have greater compassion. I am increasing my acceptance of myself and others as I continue to meditate on Ahimsa. This is probably the hardest part. When I was at my sickest it was the easier to move toward some new or undiscovered, "better" self. Now, without the suffering, the journey is more difficult and yet I do not want the self-exploration or the personal-growth to stop. I am realizing that a time has come where I must dig deeper and try harder to be the self I want to be. This doesn't mean beating myself up. It doesn't mean taking the advice of others without thought. I think it means doing things mindfully and paying attention to the results of my actions.

5 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

forgiveness, compassion, acceptance
beautiful qualities to cultivate

Diane J Standiford said...

Sometime it takes an illness or targedy to push people toward introspection of self, and the reach for a higher plane. If we had such control, or influence on our health, some should never die. Some live negative, hateful, destructive lives with perfect health well until a peacefil death at 99. Other yoga followers, vegans, and spiritual saint, die at 33 of cancer. There is NO doubt in my mind that a good attitude, mindful eating/exercising/living, can influence a person in a positive way; but disease thrives. Drink deeply from the well of wellness and you can't go wrong.

Denver Refashionista said...

Sage words to live by ladies. Diane I agree about the introspection. I wanted to change before but I kept making excuses my diagnoses catipulted me into changing. Now the real work begins.

Kim said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better!

mdmhvonpa said...

New and Improved! Now, with less self loathing! WOOT!