I wonder if anyone ever truly gets over the anger stage? Those who have been following my blog know that things have been getting a lot better for me lately but I still experience regular fits of anger around my disease. The thing that has been making me the angriest lately is the physical discomfort associated with chronic illness. I feel so much better mentally that I want to do a variety of things and I get really frustrated when my health stops me in my tracks.
It seems for every amount of energy I expend, I need as much down time, sleep or rest to counteract it. For some activities I need more. When I attend an hour of yoga, I need at least two hours of nap after to restore my energy. It seems the moment I am fatigued, other problems start to kick in. Lately, not a day goes by where I don't feel ill at some juncture. Sometimes I'm nauseated, sometimes I have skull pain, sometimes my eyes won't focus right and often my body feels downright lousy. Is this the rest of my life?
Why do I feel so icky? Discomfort has become such a major part of my life that for the most part I ignore it and go on with my activities now. I try not to complain too much. On the other hand, I am almost embarassed that when someone asks how I have been feeling that I am compelled to reply, "Not so great."
Tomorrow I am going to a group called MS 101 and I am hoping that talking to others will alleviate some of my concerns. Somehow I thought that between relapses I would feel fine. I also thought that once I got the mental piece controlled that the physical piece would follow. I do spend less time in bed but I still feel cruddy while I'm going about my day. I just don't get it.
Today I am grateful that I can keep on keeping on in the face of challenge.