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Thursday, April 23, 2009

One Year Anniversary

Today is a day for celebration. It is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis with MS and I have much to reflect on and to feel grateful for.

I remember the day of my diagnosis both as though it was yesterday, and as though it took place in another lifetime. On the day I was diagnosed, I couldn't even walk without aide. My vertigo and double vision were so intense that I had to crawl just to get to the bathroom. I was terrified to cross the street. I wondered if my life would ever seem normal again. When I was diagnosed, I knew nothing of MS or what to expect. It was hard to even look into the future.

Today I am sitting at my desk at work and typing this and thinking about what pearls of wisdom (LOL) I might share with my yoga class. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the beauty that is my life. I am grateful that I have been able to return to the things I love to do. I see much greater value in those around me and my ability for compassion has been amplified.

There are so many things that I have learned from having MS. I have learned to be grateful for the small things and to treasure the people in my life that really matter. I have learned the value of taking space. I have even learned to be selfish at times and to say "no" to things that take away from what I value most. MS has taught me how to slow down. Most of the time, my life is no longer a race against time and deadlines. I take the time I need to get things done and skip the things that create undo stress. I am cultivating contentment.

I feel like I almost have a second chance to live my life. The part before MS had many good parts but now I can take the time to enjoy things more. It feels good to pause. It feels good to create things. It feels nice to read, do yoga and take a walk. It feels good not to be consumed by a "to do" list. It feels amazing to still have all the love and support of my husband, family and friends. It feels good to share all of this on my blog. I love taking the time to remember that this is just the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

This year has given me greater fuel for personal growth than any that has come before it. It's interesting to weigh one's life against very real mortality and to discover that many of the things that somehow seemed important are not. I am not the same woman I was a year ago. It is slowly dawning on me that there is much more to life than one's profession or accomplishments. Today it just seems important to remember that I got to practice yoga with kids in the sun. It seems important to remember that I haven awoken to this beautiful life 364 times since my diagnosis and that I am ok.

10 comments:

Living Day to Day with Multiple Sclerosis said...

Well, happy Anniversary!!! What a great attitude you have.

Webster said...

You are more than okay, you're great! Happy Anniversary!

Jen said...

I was telling someone recently that I really can't recall the anniversary of my diagnosis. I know it was in May, and thankfully it wasn't the same day as my wedding anniversary. The anniversary of my first symptom is even cloudier--- I just know that warm weather was involved.

Here's hoping that in the future your anniversary might hold less and less weight and your FIERCE living with MS will outshine any "induction" day.

Merelyme said...

This is really beautiful! I feel the same. It is strange to say but I don't think I would appreciate my life as much if I didn't get my diagnosis. It was alike a wake up call to live...now!

I am so glad you are doing well and able to pass along your experiences to others. You are a remarkable lady. Thank you for all that you do to help others along their path.

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks for all the comments and support everyone:)

Lisa Emrich said...

Nadja, Happy Anniversary on this your journey of Living!! with MS. You are an inspiration and I enjoyed seeing you on the chat last night.

Hope you are enjoying the weekend. It's been beautiful here on the East Coast. Simply gorgeous, as is your inner beauty.

Jamie: Living with MS said...

very beautiful post, I was diagnosed with MS just a few months ago and it is wonderful to hear a story such as yours. Keep up the good posts and here is to another year!

James
Please visit my blog on MS at
http://hubpages.com/hub/Durbin-email-response

Denver Refashionista said...

Thanks Lisa. It was good to see you as well. Enjoy the great weather.

Denver Refashionista said...

Jamie, things do get easier. Thanks for dropping by. I'll check out your blog too.

BRAINCHEESE said...

O' happy day...today and every day.