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Saturday, April 11, 2009

Update 4/11/09

I had intended to complete some kind of blog marathon today but I ended up getting caught up in other things and therefore never wrote the brilliant piece I had planned to write (LOL). I didn't read any blogs either but there is always tomorrow...

It was a pretty good week. My revelations of the last few weeks have really helped to minimize my stress and anxiety. When I start feeling myself getting riled up over next to nothing, I just try to move on. I am doing a much better job of just accepting myself and not beating myself up over silly, little stuff. A few times this week, I caught myself looking at myself from outside again and judging, but the thought scarcely crossed my mind, before I put it away. Now I'm just trying to let myself be authentically myself without worrying about how I might appear. Sending my blog feed to my facebook account gave me some pause but then I remembered that after all, I do keep a public blog and it's not like anyone can't come on over to read my deepest, darkest thoughts (chuckle). So here I am again, putting it all out there because, hell, why not?

I have been thinking and even dreaming a lot about my childhood lately. I realize that my mind is full of snapshots of memory. Many of these shots are like the pages in my photo album, vivid and brief but interesting to me none the less. Some of my memories are wrought with sensory images that long to be strung together into a meaningful story. I find myself reaching for these strands and wondering how I might weave them together to create a coherent story of my youth. As I ravel them together in my mind, I realize that most of them appear in detailed, sensory pictures, rather than stories. Some of the memories are like little vignettes. Since I am focused merely on creativity, and not the telling of a life from start to finish, I feel that I will be compelled to write them as they come. It will be a process of unearthing, an archeological dig but perhaps in the finding of the pieces, I will be left with some kind of story.

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